Growing up in Cochrane, Alberta, Logan Watt’s dream was to play in the National Hockey League. But he was passed up in the annual NHL Entry Draft, so Logan took on a new project for the summer, the rehabilitation of the family farm. After some time on the farm with his father, Logan began to accept that he may never make the NHL. That was until he received a call that would change his life forever. www.cacoethespublishing.net www.amazon.com *The pictures and music in this video are in no way affiliated to the author or publisher of this book. No copyright infringement is intended.

Welcome back.  Ready to begin the tour, are you?  Smashing!  Let’s board the bus and get this adventure started.  

 

Our destination today is Publication Plaza, the heart and soul of Slush City.  Every piece of work—from initial submission to final manuscript—passes through this place on its journey towards publication.  Just how far a submission gets depends on a combination of factors, from the story’s construction right on up to its potential marketability.  But who decides whether or not the work is worthy of publication to begin with? 

  

The editor, that’s who. 

  

“Yes,” you say, “but what exactly are these ‘editors’?  Where do they come from, and what qualifies them to pass judgment on my masterpiece?” 

 

Well, for starters, they are much like you:  carbon-based life forms that opted for careers in the literary arts.  An editor’s qualifying characteristics, on the other hand, are fairly subjective.  Every publication is different, and so too are their professional requirements.  Some call for their editors to be certified; others rely less on accreditations and more on proven skill.  Regardless, the editors they employ are all qualified in their own way.  There are exceptions, of course—you may very well run across a “bad editor” at some point in your career—but as a general rule, those who don the editing hat are quite good at what they do. 

  

They have to be, or they don’t get paid.   

 

Okay, I see we’ve reached the Plaza.  If you would please step off the bus and line up in an orderly fashion, we’ll head on over to the Zoo to see some real, live Editors in action.  To help you understand these quirky creatures a little better, let’s start by taking a look at the various species, beginning with the first type you are likely to run into:  the Acquisitions Editor. 

  

Sometimes referred to as a Submissions Editor, these surly, black-hearted beasts essentially hold the fate of your manuscript in their pre-arthritic paws.  Their job is to read and evaluate submitted works, correspond with authors, make recommendations to the Publisher, and issue acceptance contracts or rejection notices.  Note their furrowed brows and deplorable posture.  That is the result of countless hours spent sifting through stories, synopses, and sample chapters in search of publication-worthy material.  

 

At first glance, Acquisitions Editors may seem pretty tame—a bit temperamental, maybe, but relatively harmless as publication-types go.  Yes, well, don’t let the permanent squints and vaguely confused expressions fool you.  They are wilier than they look.  They will catch every convoluted sentence, every passive paragraph, every plot hole your manuscript contains.  Style and grammar will be noted, storylines scrutinized . . . and then they will begin to calculate the piece’s potential for publication. 

  

Confession #1:  A submission’s fate is ultimately determined by basic mathematics, not the editor’s personal preference. 

  

What, you thought we only accepted the stuff we like?  If that were the case, there would be a whole lot less to choose from at your local bookshop.  Acquisitions Editors are semi-human; they have certain likes and dislikes, same as everyone else.  They just can’t allow those prejudices to cloud their judgment during working hours. 

 

And this is where the math comes into play.

 

It is a simple matter of ratios:  the more “issues” a manuscript has, the less likely it will be to see publications.  The best story in the world hasn’t a snowflake’s chance in Hell of getting published if the manuscript is rife with passive phrasing and grammatical errors.  Likewise, the most perfectly constructed piece isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on unless the storyline is original and engaging.  It is the Acquisition Editor’s responsibility to conclude whether the manuscript contains more problems or plusses, and make a recommendation based on those factors.  More problems equal a rejection.  More plusses equal a move to the Acceptance file. 

 

Simple, impartial, effective.

  

We will discuss the various tricks for tipping the ratios in your favor at a later time, but for now let us move on to the next exhibit:  Copy and Content Editors. 

  

Less intimidating than their Acquisitions counterparts, Copy and Content Editors are there to help writers revise and polish accepted manuscripts before they go to print.  While the duties of each may be fulfilled by a single person (heck, most editors do all three—acquisitions, content and copy editing), we will address each title individually just to clarify their roles in the publishing process.   

  

Copy Editors focus on the manuscript’s construction:  spelling, grammar and punctuation errors, passive phrasing, etc.  Their job is to ensure the final manuscript is structurally sound.  Notice the worn copies of The Elements of Style**peeking from their back pockets.  It is believed this mystical tome serves as a source of comfort and clarity for them in times of indecision.    

 

As humble as these beings may appear, they do sport an unusual array of armaments . . . and they know how to use ‘em.  Redundancies, improper word usage, grammatical faux pas—all will fall before the Copy Editor’s weapon of choice:  the strike-through.  Watch as they wield this editorial tool with almost surgical precision, removing faulty verbiage and repairing fragmented sentences while leaving the meat of the manuscript unscathed. 

  

Not too shabby for a bunch of grammar geeks, eh?

 

Content Editors, on the other hand, concern themselves with the manuscript’s plot, continuity and overall presentation.  See the hand ax holstered at their hip?  This unconventional utensil is used to deter the presence of plot bunnies—those unnecessary side-stories that tend to interrupt flow and detract from the main plot.  Nasty critters, plot bunnies.  Left unchecked, these hideous little beasts can multiply exponentially, turning a simple storyline into a schizophrenic nightmare of conflicting chaos.  It is the Content Editor’s job to cull the bunnies from the manuscript, note transition problems between chapters, and work with the author on required revisions. 

 

 “Whoa, wait just a darn minute,” you say, “You mean we’re gonna have to rewrite the story after it’s already been written?  That’s jank!”

 

I understand your distress.  You worked hard on the manuscript and feel it is top-notch stuff.  That may very well be true, but as the saying goes, ‘There is always room for improvement.’  Improper punctuation, omitted words, misspellings or homophone swaps (many of which can be blamed on Word’s auto-correct feature—thanks, Microsoft) can be found even in the most meticulously edited draft.  But just because a manuscript needs additional editing does not mean an entire rewrite is inevitable.  Eight time out of ten, the edits are minor and do not require the author to do anything more strenuous than hit the Accept Changes button.

 

I will admit working with an editor for content can be a bit disconcerting, especially for first-timers and super-independent types.  After all, these strangers are dissecting your creation; removing pieces of it willy-nilly and replacing those lovingly constructed bits with their own ideas . . . why, they’re butchering your work like a promiscuous teen in a bad slasher flick.  If they make any more changes, it won’t even be the same story!  Aaaaaaaahhh!

 

Well, before you blow a gasket, allow me to ease your paranoid mind.    

  

Confession #2:  Editors aren’t out to change your story or dampen your creative flair.  Really. 

  

They are simply doing the job they were brought in to do:  make your manuscript as tight and as readable as possible.  Creative style doesn’t mean diddly-squat if your target audience can’t muddle their way through the prose.  The editors’ suggestions and requested changes are there to help fine tune any problem areas and ensure your readers are presented with a polished gem instead of first draft dross. 

 

Preferably, a polished gem that is not infested with plot bunnies.  

 

 

Once the manuscript has been through the revision process, a proofreader (usually one of the editors) gives it a final read-through.  At this point, they are looking for nothing more than typos and formatting errors, which they may change with or without notifying the author.  Once they are satisfied the manuscript is as clean as it is going to get, they send it to the publisher to be laid out for print.  The layout process will be addressed later on, but right now, what say we break for lunch?  I’m famished!

 

 

We will continue the tour after you have had a chance to refresh yourselves.  Next stop:  Publication Plaza’s Submissions Repository—the spiritual center of the City.  Plenty of opportunities to improve the flow of your writing Chi there!  Discover a plethora of positive reinforcement techniques with the inspirational Holy Crap, I Can’t Believe That Got Published lecture.  Or learn how to prepare your submission for maximum impact at the popular How to Not Piss of the Acquisitions Editor seminar.  The choice is yours (no, really—it is; make your preference known in the form of a comment).   

 

In the meantime, I would advise finding a bit of sustenance.  You are going to need to store as many carbs as possible to survive the rigidly enforced ‘No Food or Drink’ rule enacted throughout the Repository. 

 

~Myrrym

  

 

**If you do not already own a copy of Strunk & White’s The Elements of Style, I recommend getting your mitts on one.  Its advice on grammar and word usage is indispensible.  An excellent addition to any writer’s reference library (and relatively cheap at $10 a copy, new).

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THE FIRST PAYMENT

(originally published; July 18th, 2009)

 

There comes a time in many a writer’s life when they feel that a debt is owed. For some, that time does not come until late in their careers and for others – like myself – it comes at the start, when you begin to feel the mounting weight of the debt you've already begun to accumulate. Owed in part to those who came before you and might have passed down some advice (through "on writing" books, classes or correspondence) and to those who will come after you. Perhaps I am being presumptuous to assume I have anything useful to add on the subject so early on in what will hopefully blossom into a career, but I find I have started to get asked the question of what advice I would offer new writers.

I am at a point where I have roughly between 25 and 30 short manuscripts accepted or published, a decent entrance into the field for roughly three years of actual submitting, a 20% ratio that I am proud of and I wouldn’t have gotten that far if not for the help of other writers who have offered their advice or opinion. The most recent such person was Nate Kenyon who kindly took the time to allay some of my fears as I enter a new stage in my writing. He didn’t need to, as I am sure he is a busy man with his second novel out, the first being the Stoker nominated BLOODSTONE, which I highly recommend to anyone needing a lesson in solid pacing. Another writer who offered me excellent advice about the value of professional organizations was Jonathan Maberry, whose three books dealing with the town of Pine Deep will appeal to readers that enjoy an 80s style horror epic that tickles the nostalgia bone with a dose of the blues and a horde of classic monsters. There have been others. People I never would have thought could have found the time of day to talk to a newbie fledgling who asked them the same questions they get asked at every convention and writer’s talk. But they did. More often than not, my messages were responded to within no more than a couple of days. It gave me a sense of community to have them share their knowledge with me. I cannot thank them enough. I cannot respect them enough.

I’ve developed friendships online with writers that I would otherwise never have the chance to meet as funds don’t exactly allow me to travel to the UK or even out to Manitoba (if you’re reading this, you know who you are) and that adds to the feeling that I’m not alone in my struggles to do what I’ve wanted to do since I was a ten-year old boy with dreams of grandeur. We help each other when we can and as time and health allows. We call on each other when we think something might be right for someone. I worked on a great little collaboration novel called THE EDWARD BALLISTER PROJECT as a result of this kind of friendship. I also think I receive entirely too high of praise for my contribution to it. I was just having a good time with a wonderful basis for a story. This kind of friendship developed after I submitted to another equally ambitious and fruitful anthology called COURTING MORPHEUS and I’ve been very proud to be included in its offspring, THE NEW BEDLAM PROJECT, an e-zine that has already attracted some high caliber writers to its streets.

I wouldn’t trade any of these friendships for the chance to get published. Without them I wouldn’t be as far down this road as I am. I’ve witnessed more than a few writers stab others in the back over false allegations in the hope of bettering their own chances. I’m not that kind of person and I wouldn’t suggest that any new writer take that way either. Rejection is a fact of this life. For every two stories I send out that get picked up, I have another eight-to-ten passed on. Form rejections suck. But I understand from the editor’s viewpoint how hard it can be to give a personal response to everyone. It isn’t always like that though and the first personal note you get is a good feeling and as more come rolling in with hand scribbled notes or full-out explanations of why it wasn’t right for them you can mark your progress as a writer. Sometimes the waiting is the worst thing. I have two stories out there right now going on nearly a year of hanging in the ether. I hope they don’t, but if they get rejected, I’ll go over them again and then submit them somewhere else and start the waiting game again.

Joining writer’s groups can help you get over these setbacks. You’ll hear other writers tell you about their rejections or acceptances and that helps a huge amount, believe me. Graveside Tales’ forum has been my favorite. There is a talented and caring pool of people there. Many, I call friends. They are also the kind of people who are happy to share news of new markets that open up. They have gone and read my work (as I have theirs) and offered critiques as well as encouragement. They give me a laugh when I need it. After my wife and my mother, they are the first people to hear my good news and bad news.

The point is, without friends in this business and the kindness of others it can get very lonely, very quick. My first step in paying my debts is to offer this advice to new writers:

  Network through sites like MySpace, Facebook and writer’s forums.

  Be respectful to your fellow writers.

  Be a friend because next time you might be the one who needs one.

Providing my health doesn’t limit me too much I’ll hopefully be able to keep posting about the good and bad choices I’ve made on my journey along with passing on the advice I’ve learned and been given. I’m starting to submit novels now so I’m pretty sure I’ll have a lot of material to gripe… erm… talk about in the near future.

Take care friends,

Brandon Layng

Hello there.  Welcome to Slush:  Confessions of a Word Wrangler—your personal peephole into the dark and forbidding world of editing.  I’m your tour guide and guilt-riddled confessor, Myrrym.  My mission:  to pepper you with a combination of practical information and amusing anecdotes as we wander the grimy backstreets of my hometown, Slush City. 

 

I created this column/virtual tour for three reasons.  One, Dale Murphy threatened to have me blacklisted from the North American Grammar Nazi Association (NAGNA) if I didn’t.  Two, I wanted to show people what life is really like behind the slush pile (it is nowhere near as glamorous as you may have heard; I have yet to buy a vacation home on an exotic island or jet to Paris for brunch).  And three, I wanted to give unpublished writers some practical advice on preparing their work for submission. 

 

To further this noble enterprise, we’re going to take a little trip—a virtual pilgrimage, if you will—through the Holy Land of Editing.  We’ll hit all the major attractions along the way (Format Springs, the Isle of Grammar, etc.), and at each stop I will regale you with a series of confessions.  Some of these soul-cleansing declarations will be about the inner workings of the editing biz.  Others will pertain to the art of writing.  All of them will offer helpful hints on dealing with editors and making your submission more reader-friendly. 

 

So, don those snazzy Bermuda shorts and grab your camera.  In the next installment, we’ll head on over to the commerce center, Publication Plaza.  I think you’ll like it there.  The architecture of the Submissions Repository is quite stunning, and there is a wonderful zoo where you can see Editors and other publication-type people in their natural habitats. 

 

The tour bus leaves at nine a.m. sharp.  Until then, feel free to wander the streets, sample the cuisine, and discover Slush City’s hidden charm (the Garden of Misspelled Words is particularly lovely this time of year).  Just, uh, don’t taunt the surly, misshapen creatures you see huddled behind the computer monitors.  Those are Submissions Editors, and believe you me, you do not want to mess with them unless you are 100% sure they’ve had their daily dose of caffeine. 

 

Just sayin’ . . .

Just a quick note to invite folks to visit the McMonsterBook Channel on YouTube — http://www.youtube.com/mcmonsterbook In the Uploads section, be sure to hit See All, and then click on links  to watch: The short video, DIVA GUGU, VAMPIRE HUNTER "The Further Adventures of  Lizzy Borden" from TWISTED TALES FOR SICK PUPPIES The book trailer for the  Michael McCarty vampire novel, LIQUID DIET Two installments of  the vampire epic, DR. ACU, L.A. An interview with The  Great Sewer Clam, and … The book trailer for RAISING DEMONS FOR FUN & PROFIT Thanks!

It is such an honor that my fiction collection, A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FIENDS (Sam's Dot Publishing), and my nonfiction collection, ESOTERIA-LAND (Bear Manor Media), both have made the HWA's Bram Stoker Award PRELIMINARY BALLOT for works published in 2009. The FINAL BALLOT will be announced in a few weeks.

Wish me luck (I'll need it!) …. 

 

 

Time Machine Of Terror! 1973: An Excellent Year for Devils and Doctors

by Mark McLaughlin

 

“Ouch!” said Professor Artemis Theodore LaGungo as he brought a large prehistoric curio down from a shelf in the main display room of his curio shoppe, PROFESSOR LaGUNGO’S EXOTIC ARTIFACTS & ASSORTED MYSTIC COLLECTIBLES. “I think I’ve pulled a muscle in my shoulder!”

“You should’ve let me help you with that Ridiculosaurus skull,” I said. “It looks terribly heavy!”

 

“It IS terribly heavy!” the wily, wiry old fellow said. “In fact, it’s RIDICULOUSLY heavy! And now I’ve pulled a muscle. But there’s no need to fret. I’m a licensed M-A-D Doctor.”

 

“I know how to spell ‘mad’!” I said, probably rolling my eyes. That’s just the sort of thing I would roll my eyes at.

 

“That was an acronym,” he said. He crossed to a drawer near the cash register, opened it and pulled out a large tube of liniment. He then unbuttoned his shirt and rubbed some of the liniment on his shoulder. “Aaaaaaaahhhh!” he sighed. “Feels better already!”

 

“What does M-A-D stand for?” I said.

 

“Made A Deal,” he replied, popping the tube back in its drawer. “I’m a ‘Made A Deal’ Doctor. I made a deal with Catafalquium, a minor demon who can give mortals the power to heal others … and themselves, which is why I made the deal. I had cancer at the time, but now I’m aaaaaall better.”

 

“So what did Catafalquium want in return?”

 
 

The Professor smiled. “All the erotic items this shoppe carried at the time. He’s a frisky devil! Which reminds me, you ought to visit 1973 in that wonderful Time Machine of Terror! that I sold you. It was an excellent year for devils and doctors!”

 

“And political scandals,” I said. “Watergate and all that.”

 

Professor LaGungo shook his head sadly. “President Nixon really took a beating that year. But you know, the space program made major advances while he was in office, and he helped to end conflicts in different parts of the world. He wasn’t a bad man … more of a high-stakes gambler.”

“I’ll have to take your word for that,” I said. “I’m not into politics.”

The Professor barked out a dry rasp of a laugh. “Silly boy! Human life is nothing BUT politics! Politics … just a game, really.”

 

Later, I went home and kicked the Time Machine of Terror! — or TMOT! for short — into high gear. Before I tell you about what I saw back in 1973, let’s take a look at various goings-on in the world that year:

 

On January 14, the first worldwide telecast by an entertainer, an Elvis Presley concert in Hawaii, drew more viewers than the Apollo moon landings.

 

On January 20, Richard Nixon was inaugurated for his second term as U.S. President.

 

On January 22, through the court case Roe vs. Wade, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned state bans on abortion.

 

On January 27, the signing of the Paris Peace Accords ended America’s involvement in the Vietnam War.

 

On February 21, Libyan Arab Airlines Flight 114 was shot down by Israeli fighter aircraft. Of the 113 people onboard, only five survived.

 

On February 22, America and the People's Republic of China agreed to establish liaison offices.

 

On March 7, Comet Kohoutek was discovered.

 

On March 17, Queen Elizabeth II officially opened the new London Bridge.

 

Also on March 17, Pink Floyd's album The Dark Side of the Moon was released.

 

On March 23, Watergate burglar James W. McCord Jr., in a letter to Judge John Sirica, admitted that he and other defendants have been pressured to remain silent. He accused former Attorney General John Mitchell of being the 'overall boss' of the operation.

 

On April 3, the first cell phone call was made by Martin Cooper in New York City.

 

On April 4, New York City’s World Trade Center opened with a ribbon-cutting ceremony.

 

On April 17, Federal Express began operations, delivering 186 packages to 25 U.S. cities.

 

On April 30, President Richard Nixon announced that top White House aides H.R. Haldeman, John Ehrlichman, and others had resigned as a result of the Watergate Scandal.

 

On May 3, Chicago’s Sears Tower, the world's tallest building, was completed.

 

On May 14, America’s first space station, Skylab, was launched. On May 25, the Skylab 2 mission was launched to repair damage to Skylab.

 

On June 16, President Richard Nixon began talks with Soviet leader, Leonid Brezhnev. On June 24, Brezhnev addressed the American people on TV.

 

On July 11, Varig Flight 820 crashed in France, killing 123 people.

 

On July 25, the Soviet Mars 5 space probe was launched.

 

On July 28, the Skylab 3 mission was launched to conduct medical and scientific experiments on Skylab.

 

On August 1, the movie American Graffiti was released.

 

On August 15, the U.S. bombing of Cambodia stopped, ending 12 years of combat in Southeast Asia.

 

On September 18, West Germany and East Germany were admitted to the United Nations.

 

On September 22, U.S. National Security Advisor Henry Kissinger started his term as Secretary of State.

 

On October 10, Spiro T. Agnew resigned from his position as U.S. Vice President.

 

On October 17, a major energy crisis began with the Arab Oil Embargo, which was aimed at countries supporting Israel.

 

On October 20, the Sydney Opera House, 14 years in the making, was opened by Queen Elizabeth II.

 

On November 3, NASA launched Mariner 10 toward Mercury, and on March 29, 1974, it reached its destination.

 

On November 11, Egypt and Israel signed a cease-fire accord sponsored by the United States.

 

On November 16, NASA launched the Skylab 4 mission.

 

Also on November 16, President Richard Nixon authorized the construction of the Alaska Pipeline.

 

On November 17, President Richard Nixon told 400 Associated Press managing editors, "I am not a crook."

 

On November 25, a military coup led by Lieutenant General Phaidon Gizikis ousted Greek dictator George Papadopoulos.

 

On December 3, Pioneer 10 sent to Earth the first close-up images of Jupiter.

 

On December 28, the Endangered Species Act was passed.

 

Celebrities born in 1973 included boxer Oscar de la Hoya, actor Neil Patrick Harris, hip-hop singer Akon, actress Tori Spelling, model Heidi Klum, talk-show host Carson Daly, Crown Prince Haakon and Crown Princess Mette-Marit of Norway, White House intern Monica Lewinsky, Google co-founder Sergey Brin, and dancer Nikolay Tsiskaridze.

 

Celebrities who passed away in 1973 included 36th U.S. President Lyndon Baines Johnson, actor Wally Cox, novelist Elizabeth Bowen, Nobel Prize-winner Pearl S. Buck, playwright Noel Coward, artist Pablo Picasso, singer Bobby Darin, fantasy writer J. R. R. Tolkien, and Hollywood sex-symbols Betty Grable, Veronica Lake and Irene Ryan – that rambunctious silver fox from TV’s THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.

 

As you will recall from my previous entries in this blog, I regularly travel through the dimension of old TV shows and movies in the TMOT! – which looks like a giant brass alarm clock with batwings. Or rather, that’s what it would look like if it weren’t invisible from the outside. It came with a locating device, in case I should forget where I’ve parked it.

In 1973, the world learned that humanoid monsters don’t always have to be Caucasian. The movies BLACKENSTEIN, Voodoo Black Exorcist and Scream, Blacula, Scream! brought forth black versions of Frankenstein’s Monster, the Mummy, and Dracula, respectively.

 

 

Meanwhile, Hammer Studios brought out Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride, also known as THE SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA, which was the final installment in their Dracula series. In it, we find out that because pure running water can destroy a vampire, you can actually kill a batch of them by turning on the fire sprinklers!

 

VAMPIRES' NIGHT ORGY took place in a town overrun by vampires and cannibals – not exactly the best place for a busload of tourists to visit.

Andy Warhol’s pal Paul Morrissey directed sexy versions of the Frankenstein and Dracula stories called Flesh for Frankenstein and BLOOD FOR DRACULA. TV horror maestro Dan Curtis cast Jack Palance in a new version of DRACULA which positioned the Count as a warrior, rather than a suave sophisticate. Frankenstein: The True Story gave us a handsome Monster whose looks, sadly, had a very short shelf-life.

 

Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks told the shocking tale of how Count Frankenstein (in this one, he’s a count) brought a Neanderthal back to life. Apparently they all didn’t go extinct. The things you learn from old movies!

 

As I zipped around in the TMOT!, checking out all those various versions of the Frankenstein story, I could see that Professor LaGungo was right about 1973 being a good year for doctors, since the monster-making Baron was a man of medicine (albeit bad medicine). And there were other mad medicos hanging about, too…

 

In SSSSSSS, a mad scientist decided to turn his lab assistants into king cobras.

 

Don't Look In The Basement! was set in a mental hospital where the patients had taken control, posing as doctors and nurses.

 

 

 

I really enjoyed hovering around the movie, Horror Hospital. In this saucy serving of U.K. Grand Guignol, wheelchair-bound Dr. Storm practiced strange experiments on human guinea pigs to get them to obey his megalomaniacal will. He had a most unusual method of dealing with escapees: his limousine was equipped with blades for decapitating any running person he might pass in that fast luxury car.

 

I also relished the wit and wickedness of THEATRE OF BLOOD, in which Vincent Price played a Shakespearean actor who killed off reviewers who had panned his performances. He killed them off according to the ways various Shakespeare characters shuffled off their mortal coils. And during one murderous vignette, Price dressed up as a surgeon to perform an impromptu head-ectomy.

Certainly 1973 yielded a bumper crop of mad doctors and medical mischief. But Professor LaGungo had also mentioned devils. I’d seen a lot of vampires earlier — were there any other demons or hideous creatures afoot…?

In the year’s most popular horror movie, THE EXORCIST, the demon Pazuzu possessed a poor little Washington, D.C. girl named Regan. This horror masterpiece electrified audiences worldwide and spawned dozens of rip-off films, as well as a litter of less-interesting sequels. EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC came out years later and is remembered fondly by lovers of bad cinema as one of the worst horror movies of all time, and certainly the most ludicrous sequel to a classic.

That wasn’t the only problem taking place in the Washington, D.C. area at that time. The Nixon administration was experiencing Watergate woes, as you saw in my earlier synopsis of 1973 events, and as if that weren’t enough, the movie THE WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON revealed a different sort of White House dilemma — a President cursed with lycanthropy.

 

In Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, zombies popped out of their graves like mushrooms springing up in a forest after a rainstorm. The living characters in this one are so pretentious and unlikeable, I found myself cheering the zombies on. Yeah, go get ‘em!

Psychic investigators visited the Mount Everest of haunted habitats in THE Legend of Hell House. Other teams of researchers had visited the house before, and most had died horrible deaths. And yet, these teammates think they can beat the odds — even though one of them had been part of an earlier expedition and the experience had popped a few of the bulbs in his mental marquee. I decided not to fly the TMOT! too close to Hell House … better safe than sorry.

 

While Pazuzu and the diabolical denizen of Hell House were noisy and obscene entities, the infernal title character in Lisa and the Devil was quite charming and urbane. In this macabre and yet often darkly surreal romp, we find that the Devil is in fact, a merry fellow who considers humans to be his life-sized toys. In fact, sometimes he turns his living playthings into mannequins, carries them around and arranges them in strange tableaus for his own amusement.

 

As I headed for home, I thought about the Devil and his whimsical ways. Could it be true…? Are humans just the Devil’s playthings? Are we all just toys — or perhaps pawns in some huge chess match? Shakespeare once said: All the world’s a stage … but maybe he was a little off. Maybe it’s a board game.

 

If that’s the case, I guess doctors exist so we can be healed and popped back into the game, whenever we fall ill or sustain an injury. Dr. Frankenstein is such a skilled doctor, he can put players back in the game even after they’ve died!

 

But when considering all those notions, one disturbing question came to mind. Who exactly are game-masters? Is life on Earth a game between the Devil and God — or maybe the Devil and ANOTHER demon?

 

I would have to discuss the matter with Professor LaGungo….

– End –

Mark McLaughlin's latest books are RAISING DEMONS FOR FUN & PROFIT and TWISTED TALES FOR SICK PUPPIES, both available from www.Horror-Mall.com.